Toradora! Light Novel Edition

The following is an unedited post created on our Tumblr page. You may find the original here.

As promised, here are the first two pages of the light novel edition of Toradora!

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING POST CONTAINS THE HARDEST SENTENCES I’VE WORKED WITH ON THIS BLOG. THIS IS NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART. A vocabulary list will not be added, for I’d have to list out everything again. 

The same standard format applies. I’ll be doing them in sentences. I’ll parse them and explain as much as I can.

朝、七時三十分。
天気快晴、ただし室内暗し。
木造二階建て戸建、二階部分の借家。私鉄の駅から徒歩十分、南向き2DK。家賃、八万円。
「もうやめだ。どうにもならん」
苛立ちに任せ、曇る鏡を乱暴に手のひらで拭った。ボロい洗面所には目覚ましに浴びたシャワーの湿気がこもったままで、拭ったそばからまた曇る。
だが苛立ちは鏡に対してなんかではなく、「こんなもん、うそっぱちだ。」
ふんわりバングスでソフトな表情――そんな言葉が躍《おど》る、最近流行の男子向け美容雑誌に、だった。
高須竜児の前髪は、いまやまさしく『ふんわりバングス』。
記事のとおりに長めに伸ばし、ドライヤーを駆使して自然に立ち上げ、軽いワックスでサイドに流した。全部全部、記事のとおりに。
モデルの髪型と同じになるように。
三十分の早起きの成果だ、果たして希望は叶《かな》ったと思えた。
だけど、しかし、それなのに。
「……前髪|如きで変われるなんて、俺《おれ》が甘かったのかもしれん……」
恥を忍んで購入した軟弱雑誌を、力なく屑《くず》かごに放り捨てる。
が、痛恨のコントロールミス。
屠かごは倒れてゴミをぶちまけ、捨てられた雑誌はそのゴミの中で開き癖《ぐせ》のついたページをぱっかりとご開帳してみせた。
曰く、「今から間に合う新学期変身宣言・ソフトorワイルド!? 俺達のデビュー白書』……ひとつ言わせてもらえば、デビューがしたかったわけではないのだ。
だけど、変身はしたかった。
そして、失敗に終わった。
やけっぱち、せっかくのふんわりバングスを水に濡《ぬ》らした手でぐしゃぐしゃに掴み、いつもどおりの適当な直毛に直してやる。そして床に跪き、こぼれたゴミを拾い集め、「ああっ!? なんだこれ……カ、カビてる……カビてるぞ!」
浴室との境界に敷《し》かれた木材に、黒カビを大発見。

Okay, so let’s get right into it!

朝、七時三十分。
(Asa, shichi-ji  san-ju-ppun)

朝 (asa): is a noun meaning “morning.”

七時 (shichi-ji): is “shichi” a noun meaning “seven.” “Shichi” is the Chinese version of the number. The Japanese version is “nana.” Sometimes they’re interchangeable. This is not one of those instances. “Ji” is the suffix meaning “hour.” So this is “hour seven,” or 7am.

三十分 (san-ju-ppun): is the number “san-juu” with the often-morphing suffix “fun.” “San-juu” is literally “Three-ten,” for the Japanese count in magnitudes in ten by adding the amount to “juu.” (In Western languages, it tends to be that you have two stems for the amount and magnitude and then they’re fudged together.) Anyway, “three-ten” is 30. “Fun,” which here turns into “ppun,” explained here, is a suffix that means “minute.” So this is 30 minutes, or “half past.”

Translation: “Morning, 7:30.”

天気快晴、ただし室内暗し。
(Tenki kaisei, tadashi shitsunai kur
ashi.)

天気 (tenki): is a noun meaning “weather.” You’ll notice that we’re missing a particle here. That particle is “wa.” “Wa” is our topical particle, the particle that indicates the topic, not the subject, of the sentence.

快晴 (kaisei): is a noun meaning “good” in reference to weather.

ただし (tadashi): is a conjunction meaning “but” or “however.”

室内 (shitsunai): is a noun meaning “indoors.” Again, we’re missing a “wa.”

暗し (kurashi): is a noun meaning “dark.” Yes, there are nouns with adjectival meanings. (I’ve written on the matter before. I need to get better at cross-referencing.) It’s related to 暗い, “kurai,” but that’s the adjectival version. (What Japanese tends to call adjectives are not adjectives.)

Translation: “The weather is good; but inside it’s dark.”

木造二階建て戸建、二階部分の借家。
(Mokuzou ni-kaidate kodate, nikei bubun no shakuya.)

木造 (mokuzou): is a noun meaning “made of wood.” Also, there is an omitted attributive “no” here, just a version of the copula “da.”

二階建て (ni-kaidate): is a noun meaning 2 storey building. The “ni” is the Chinese version of 2. (The Japanese version is “fu.”) The “kaidate” is the part meaning “storey building.” If you switch out the number, you change the storeys in the building. We’ll talk about it a bit more in a moment.

戸建 (kodate): is a noun meaning “separate house” or “detached house.” It’s like a duplex but the division being horizontal (by floors) and not vertical. So this is a separate house of a 2 story building made of wood.

二階 (ni-kai): is a number and counter — Japanese uses counters — meaning 2nd floor. The counter itself is “kai,” and it’s the same “kai” in “kaidate.” “kai” is a counter for floors or storeys.

部分 (bubun): is a noun meaning “section.”

の (no): is the attributive form of the copula “da.” In Japanese, IPs that modify nouns go before the noun. (In English, you use an indirect phrase. “The cat that caught the mouse” in Japanese is “Caught the mouse cat.”) When “da” is in that modifying IP, it turns into “no.” A copula is a verb that establishes categorical relationships, or how one thing relates to another in terms of identity or category. Or, as most understanding it, it translates to “is.” Japanese has 3 copulae.

借家 (shakuya): is a noun meaning “house for rent.”

This sentence lacks verbs or particle. It’s descriptive more than anything. It wants you to create the setting in your head. We’ll translate it similarly.

Translation: “A separate house unit of a 2 storey building made of wood, the house for rent [that is] on the second floor section.”

私鉄の駅から徒歩十分、南向き2DK。家賃、八万円。
(Shitetsu no eki kara toho juppun, minamimuki 2DK. Yachin hachi-man-en.)

私鉄 (shitetsu): is a noun meaning “private railway.”

の (no): is our genitive particle. The genitive is the grammatical case that establishes ownership or at least one thing belonging in some way to another. The shorthand translation for “X no Y” is  “Y of X.”

駅 (eki): is a noun meaning “station.”

から (kara): is a post-position, so like a preposition, a word that gives us spatio-temporal information, except that it comes after the noun phrase it modifies, meaning “from.”

徒歩 (toho): is a noun meaning “walk.” We’re missing a particle here. That particle is “de.”

十分 (juppun): is the same as before, except this time we lack the “san.” So this is just “ten minutes.” One doesn’t say “Ichi-juu.”

南向き (minamimuki): is a noun meaning “facing south.” “Minami” means “south” and “muki” is the verbal stem of “muku,” meaning “to face.”

2DK : is a Japanese acronym meaning “two dining kitchen,” which means that there are 2 rooms, a dining area, and a kitchen. There is no living space. That would be 2LDK. This is a small house. This is actually the topic of the sentence carried to the end of the sentence. This happens sometimes. Japanese sentences tend to end in particles or a verb. If it’s a noun, it’s probably the subject displaced.

家賃 (yachin): is a noun meaning “rent.” We’re also missing a particle here, which is “wa.”

八万円 (hachi-man-en): is “hachi-man” with the suffix “en.” “Hachi-man” is a number. Just like “san-juu,” we have the amount and the magnitude. “Hachi” means 8; and “man” mean 10,000. Thus this is 80000. (Interestingly, one does say “ichi-man.”) “En” is the suffix meaning “yen,” the Japanese currency. (So the story behind why they say “en” and we say “yen” is because it used to be “yen” in Japan and then that mora, /ye/, just shifted to /e/.) So this is “80,000 yen.” That’s about $740 or €690.

Translation: “The south facing, 2 bedroom, dining room and kitchen apartment, [is] a 10 minute walk from the private railway station. The rent, 80,000 yen.”

「もうやめだ。どうにもならん」
(”Mou yame da. Dou-ni-mo naran”)

もう (mou): is an adverb meaning “already.”

やめ (yame): is the verbal stem, or participle, of “yameru,” meaning “to cease” or “to quit.” Participles in English are many of those words ending in -ing.

だ (da): is the copula I talked about a moment ago. This sentence, if translated faithful to the syntax, would be something like “[it] is quitting already.” Because that sounds strange for English, we should say “I’m quitting already.”

どうにも (dou-ni-mo): is an adverb meaning “no matter what” or “nothing can be done” with a negative verb. The adverb itself is a combination of “dou” meaning “how?,” “ni” the dative particle, and “mo,” a secondary particle meaning “even.” We can’t just combine the meanings into one, but the idea is that no matter what one does, the action of the verb cannot happen.

ならん (naran): is a truncation of the verb “naranai,” which is the present, negative of “naru,” which is a verb meaning “to become.” We’ll learn in a little bit that he’s trying to change his bangs. For the sake of clarity, we will translate “naran” here as “won’t change.”

Translation: “I’m quitting already. No matter what [they] can’t be changed.”

苛立ちに任せ、曇る鏡を乱暴に手のひらで拭った。
(Iradachi ni makase, kumoru kagami wo ranbou ni te no hirade nugutta.)

苛立ち (Iradachi): is the noun “iradachi,” meaning “frustration”

(ni): is our dative particle.

任せ (makase): is the verbal stem of “makaseru,” which means “to entrust” something to someone or “to continue naturally.” In this case, it’s the former. In writing, two IPs, inflexional phrases, or phrases that have a definite meaning and verb, can be joined with the verb being just in the stem, similar to how one tends to see it with the Te-form. This is an expression, of sorts, “to entrust oneself to X” or “To give into X”

曇る (kumoru): is a verb conjugated for the affirmative, present meaning “to become cloudy” or “to become foggy.”

鏡 (kagami): is a noun meaning “mirror.” “Kumoru” is modifying “kagami” so this is the “mirror that becomes foggy” or the “foggy mirror.”

を (wo): is our accusative particle. The accusative is the grammatical case that designates something as the direct object of the verb, so the thing affected by the verb.

乱暴に (ranbou-ni): is the noun “ranbou” meaning “rude” or “rough” plus the same adverbial suffix we saw a minute ago, so “roughly.”

手 (te): is a noun meaning “hand.”

の (no): is the genitive particle.

ひら (hira): is a noun meaning palm. So this is the “palm of the hand.”

で (de): is a instrumental particle. The instrumental is the grammatical case that indicates the means or instrument with which something is done. There is a second “de” that is a post-position.

拭った (nugutta): is the affirmative, past conjugation of the verb “nuguu,” which means “to wipe.”

Translation: “Entrusting himself to his frustration, and he wiped the foggy mirror roughly with his palm.”

ボロい洗面所には目覚ましに浴びたシャワーの湿気がこもったままで、拭ったそばからまた曇る。
(Boroi senmenjo ni wa mezamashi ni abita shawaa no shikke ga komotta mama de nugutta soba kara mata kumoru.)

ボロい (boroi): is an adjective conjugated for the affirmative, present meaning “crumbling” or “worn down.”

洗面所 (senmenjo): is a noun meaning “bathroom” or “washroom”

には (ni wa): is a compound particle, the “ni” referring to it being the location of the action, and “wa” being the topical marker, telling us that this is also the subject.

目覚まし (mezamashi): is the participle of the verb “mazamashiru,” meaning “to wake up.”

(ni): is the dative particle indicating one’s reason.

浴びた (abita): is the verb “abiru” conjugated for the affirmative, past, meaning “to perform ablutions,” i.e. to bathe or shower.

シャワー (shawaa): is a loanword noun meaning “shower.”

の (no): is our genitive particle.

湿気 (shikke): is a noun meaning “humidity.”

が (ga): is our nominative particle. The nominative case is the case that designates the noun phrase as the subject of the sentence.

こもった (komotta): is the affirmative, past conjugation of “komoru,” meaning “to be filled,” or “to get stuffy” or “to seclude oneself.” With the context, we realize that it’s the middle option.

まま (mama): is a suffix that makes the inflexional phrase a noun and adds the meaning adverbial “as it is” or “still” to it.

(de): is the instrumental particle, indicating cause. We’ll be translating it as “due to.”

拭った (nugutta): is the same as before.

そばから (soba kara): is a compound post-position literally meaning “from nearby,” meaning “right after” or “soon after.” (I believe it functions as a noun. Don’t quote me on that.)

また (mata): is another post-position meaning “already.”

曇る (kumoru): is the same as last time.

Translation: “For the crumbling bathroom, due to the humidity of the shower that the took to wake up stuffed it up still, soon after he wiped [it] it already fogged up.”

だが苛立ちは鏡に対してなんかではなく、「こんなもん、うそっぱちだ。」
(Da-ga iradachi wa kagami ni taishite nanka dewa-naku, “Konna mon, usoppachi da.”)

だが (da-ga): is the copula “da” with the conjunction “ga” (different “ga” from the particle). It means “but.”

苛立ち (iradachi): is the same as before.

は (wa): is our topical particle.

鏡 (kagami): is the same as before.

に対して (ni-taishite): is the particle “ni,” here serving to indicate the indirect object of the verb, and “taishite,” which is the Te-form of “taisu,” meaning “to be directed toward.”

なんか (nanka): is an expression (and possibly suffix) meaning “and the like”

ではなく (dewa-naku): is the adverbial form of of “dewa-nai.” “Dewa-nai” is the negative, present conjugation of “De-aru.” Why the “wa”? Historical reasons. “De-aru” is the original form of the copula “da.” And it has the name meaning. From my perspective, it seems that this is working in the same way as a verbal stem, connecting sentences. According to grapefruitcake, it’s a literary thing.

こんな (konna): is an adjective meaning “this kind.” -nna is another suffix that the /ko/, /so/, /a/, lexemes that.

もん (mon): is an adjective meaning thing.

うそっぱち (usoppachi): is a noun meaning “total lie.”

だ (da): is the same as always.

Translation: “But the irritation was not directed towards the mirror or the like, “This kind of thing is a total lie.”

ふんわりバングスでソフトな表情――そんな言葉が躍る、最近流行の男子向け美容雑誌に、だった。
(Funwari bangusu de sofuto-na hyoujou —— sonna kotoba ga odoru, saikin ryuukou no danshi muke biyou zasshi ni datta.)

ふんわり (funwari): is an adverb meaning “fluffily” or “softly;” but it’s actually functioning like an adjective, modifying “bangusu.” We’ll be translating it as “fluffy.”

バングス (bangusu): is a loanword noun meaning “bangs.”

で (de): with the instrumental particle, indicating means.

ソフトな  (sofuto-na): is a loanword noun meaning “soft” plus the verbal suffix “na” that gives nouns adjectival meaning, conjugated for the affirmative, present. (Though “na” itself has no other conjugations.)

表情 (hyoujou): is a noun meaning “facial expression.”

そんな (sonna): is the /so/ iteration of “konna.” It means “that kind.”

言葉 (kotoba): is a noun meaning “word.” It’s good to point out that Japanese nouns do not inflect for number. So “word” and “words” is the same word.

が (ga): is our nominative particle.

躍る (odoru): is a verb conjugated for the affirmative, present, meaning “to jump” or “to be messily written on.”

最近 (saikin): is a noun meaning “present” or “recent.” This noun is modifying the following noun. Rare adjectival sighting!

流行 (ryuukou): is a noun meaning “fashion.”

の (no): is our genitive particle.

男子 (danshi): is a noun meaning “young man”

向け (muke): is a suffix meaning “intended for.”

美容 (biyou); is a noun meaning “beauty of figure” or just “beauty” in the physical, bodily sense.

雑誌 (zasshi): is a noun meaning “magazine”

に (ni): is the dative particle conveying the object.

だった (datta): is the affirmative, past conjugation of the copula “datta.” This is telling us what his frustration is directed at. It’s that the odd use of orthography doesn’t make that clear for us. So we’ll be adding a “but at.” The overall construction of the sentence is this: “Aではなく、Bだった。” “Not A, but B.”

Translation: ″But at the recent fashion magazine intended for young men on which the kinds of words ‘a soft facial expression with fluffy bangs’ were messily written.” 

高須竜児の前髪は、いまやまさしく『ふんわりバングス』。
(Takasu Ryuuji no maegami wa, ima yamasashiku “funwari banzu.”)

高須竜児 (Takasu Ryuuji): is the name of one of the protagonists of the novel and the person we’ve been following up to now.

の (no): is the genitive particle.

前髪 (maegami): is the Japanese word for “bangs.”

は (wa): is our topical particle.

いまや (imaya): is an adverb meaning “now.” I believe “imaya” is more immediate than “ima,” which also means “now.”

まさしく (masashiku): is an adverb meaning “surely” or “evidently.”

ふんわり (funwari): is the same as before.

バングス (bangusu): is the same as before.

Translation: “Now Ryuuji Takasu’s bangs evidently were “’fluffy bangs.’”

記事のとおりに長めに伸ばし、ドライヤーを駆使して自然に立ち上げ、軽いワックスでサイドに流した。全部全部、記事のとおりに。
(Kiji no toori ni nagame-ni nobashi, doraiyaa wo kushi-shite shizen-ni tachiage, karui wakkusu de saido ni nagashita. Zenbu-zenbu, kiji no toori ni.)

記事 (kiji): is a noun meaning “article,” in this case an magazine article.

の (no): is the genitive particle. Here it is working with the following adverb.

とおりに (toori-ni): is an adverbial phrase made up of “toori,” which is the verbal stem of “tooru,” which means “to go through,” and “ni,” which is the adverbial suffix. What this means is “going through-ly” or “according to,” in this case, “according to the article.”

長めに (nagame-ni): is similar to the last adverb, this time with the noun “nagame,” meaning “the long end.” This adverb means “by the long end,” as in “at length.” (He needs to stretch the bags out.)

伸ばし (nobashi): is like the other verbal stems, participles, we’ve seen that simply allow the sentence to keep going. The verb is “nobasu,” which means “to pull” or “to stretch.”

ドライヤー (doraiyaa): is a noun meaning “dryer,” like a “hair dryer.”

を (wo): is our accusative particle.

駆使して (kushi-shite): is the Te-form of the verb “kushi-suru,” note that the true verb is “suru,” meaning “to do.” “Kushi” is a noun meaning “free use.” What it means to freely use a dryer is to blow dry as one sees fit.

自然に (shizen-ni): is like the other adverbs in this sentence. The noun is “shizen,” meaning “nature.” This means “naturally.”

立ち上げ (tachiage): is a verbal stem coming from “tachiageru,” meaning “to stand up.” We have one instruction from “doraiyaa” to “tachiage.” So the first step is to pull the bangs by the long end; and the second is to blow dry it and naturally it will stand up.

軽い (karui): is an adjective conjugated for the affirmative, present meaning “light” or “giving little resistance”

ワックス (wakkusu): is a loanword noun meaning “wax.”

で (de): is our instrumental particle, indicating means.

サイド (saido): is a loanword noun meaning “side.”

(ni): is our dative particle indicating direction.

流した (nagashita): is a verb conjugated for the affirmative past, meaning “to spread” or “to apply” in this case. So what he’s doing is adding wax and pushing it to the side, if that makes sense.

全部全部 (Zenbu-zenbu): is the repetition of the adverb “zenbu,” meaning “all” or “entire.” It’s done for emphasis.

記事 (kiji): is the same as before.

の (no): is the same as before.

とおりに (toori-ni): is the same as before.

Translation: “According to the article, he pulled it by the long end, blow dried it and (or until) it naturally stood up, and applied light wax [and moved the bangs] to the sides. All, all, according to the article.”

モデルの髪型と同じになるように。三十分の早起きの成果だ、果たして希望は叶ったと思えた。
(Moderu no kamigata to onaji ni naru you-ni. San-juppun no hayaoki no seiki da, hatashite kibou wa kanatta to omoeta.)

モデル (moderu): is a noun meaning “model.”

の (no): is our genitive particle.

髪型 (kamigata): is a noun meaning “hairstyle”

と (to): a conjunction, here connecting “kamigata” and “onaji-ni.”

同じに (onaji-ni): is a kind of adverb we’re already familiar with. “Onaji” is a noun meaning “the same.” This is “the same as the model’s hairstyle.”

なる (naru): is the verb conjugated for the affirmative, present meaning “to become,” or in this case, “to make.”

ように “you-ni”: is an adverbial expression meaning “in order to.” This sentence is fragmentary. That’s okay. It’s a stylistic thing.

三十分 (san-ju-ppun): is the same as before.

の (no): is the genitive particle.

早起き (hayaoki): is a noun meaning “waking up early.”

の (no): is the genitive particle.

成果 (seika): is a noun meaning “result.”

だ (da): is the same as always.

果たして (hatashite): is an adverb meaning “as expected” or “as a result.” It’s actually the Te-form of “hatasu,” a verb meaning “to accomplish.”

希望 (kibou): is a noun meaning “wish” or “desire.”

は (wa): is our topical particle.

叶った (kanau): is a verb conjugated for the affirmative, past meaning “to come true.”

と (to): is our quotative particle. It tells us that the IP is exactly what someone else thought, heard, figured, said, etc.

思えた (omoeta): is the affirmative, past conjugation of “omoeru” which means “to seem” or “to appear likely.” It comes from the potential mood conjugation of “omou,” meaning to think.

Translation: “In order to make it (his hair) the same as the model’s hairstyle. [This] is the result of waking up early 30 minutes. It appeared likely that as a result his wish would come true.

だけど、しかし、それなのに。
(Da-kedo, shikashi, sore na no ni.)

だけど (da-kedo): is an expression coming from the copula “da” and the conjunction “kedo,” meaning “though.” It means “however.”

しかし (shikashi): is an expression meaning “but” or “however.”

それなのに (sore na no ni): is an expression meaning “despite that.” It comes from “sore,” a noun meaning “that,” which is the /so/ lexeme plus -re, “na no” a compound conjunction meaning “despite,” and “ni” being that adverbial suffix.

Translation: “Though, however, despite that…”

「……前髪如きで変われるなんて、俺が甘かったのかもしれん……」
(”…Kamigata gotoki de kawareru nante, ore ga amakatta no kamoshiren…”)

前髪 (kamigata): is the same as before. There is a particle being omitted here. It’s “no.”

如き (gotoki): is the verbal stem, or participle, of “gotoku,” which means “to match” or “to equal.” grapefruit says that this isn’t a standard verb, which is something I can understand from a historical perspective.

で (de): is the instrumental particle. Here we will be translating it as “by” because it’s being causative.

変われる (kawareru): is the potential, affirmative, present conjugation of “kawaru,” meaning “to change.” The potential mood is different from the other verbs we’ve seen thus far in that it doesn’t talk about something that will happen or has happen, but something that “could” happen.

なんて (nante): is a suffix that means “and the like.” I’m pretty sure that a “wa” is being omitted here. This is also often an exclamation.

俺 (ore): is a boyish, sort of rude first person singular pronoun, thus meaning “I.”

が (ga): is our nominative particle.

甘かった (amakatta): is an adjective conjugated for the affirmative, past, meaning “sweet” or “naïve.”

の (no): is a suffix that makes a Verb Phrase a syntactically a noun. This, Verb Phrases becoming nouns, happens a lot in Japanese for a variety of reasons, many of which are unclear.

かもしれん (kamoshiren): is a truncated form of the the expression “kamoshirenai,” which means “probably.”

Translation: “Being able to change by bangs and the like, I was probably naïve.”

恥を忍んで購入した軟弱雑誌を、力なく屑かごに放り捨てる。
(Haji wo shinonde kounyuu-shita nanjaku zasshi wo chikara-naku kuzu kago ni hori-suteru.)

恥 (haji): is a noun meaning “shame.”

を (wo): is the accusative particle.

忍んで (shinonde): is the Te-form of “shinobu,” meaning “to conceal” or “to endure.” This is where the term “Shinobi” comes from, which is synonymous with “ninja.” This Te-form is connecting two actions.

購入した (kounyuu-shita): is the same “shita” we saw before. “kounyuu” is a noun meaning “purchase.” So this is “to make a purchase” or “to buy.”

軟弱 (nanjaku): is an adjective meaning “weak,” “soft,” or “flabby.” There should be a “na” here, but it’s omitted. Most things that look like bone fide adjectives just have an omitted “no,” the attributive form of “da,” or “na.” What I believe it’s referring to is the attitude that the articles of the magazine convey.

雑誌 (zasshi): is a noun meaning magazine.

を (wo): is the accusative particle.

力なく (chikara-naku): is “chikara,” a noun meaning “power,” and “naku,” which is the adverbial version of “nai,” the negative conjugation of “aru.” This is an adverb meaning “weakly.”

屑 (kuzu): is a noun meaning “waste.” Again, probably a missing “no” here.

かご (kago): is a noun meaning “basket.” We’re talking about a waste basket. Maybe it’s a compound word…

に (ni): is the dative particle, designating location.

放り (hori): is a verbal stem from “horu” meaning “to throw.” This is being connected to the next verb.

捨てる (suteru): is a verb conjugated for the affirmative, present meaning “to throw away.” When two verbs meaning the same thing are linked, and it does happen sometimes, it means to do something and mean it.

Translation: “He weakly threw away the soft magazine that he endured the shame and bought.”

が、痛恨のコントロールミス。
(Ga, tsuukon no kontorooru misu.)

が (ga): is a conjunction meaning “but.” It’s not normally heading a sentence by itself, mind you.

痛恨 (tsuukon): is a noun meaning “regretful.”

の (no): is the attributive form of the copula “da.”

コントロール (kontorooru): is a noun meaning “control;” and there it is referencing one’s aim. Here’s a missing particle here, that being “no.”

ミス (misu): is a noun meaning “mistake.” Meaning he failed to get it into the waste basket.

Translation: “But, it was a regretful mistake of control.”

屑かごは倒れてゴミをぶちまけ、捨てられた雑誌はそのゴミの中で開き癖のついたページをぱっかりとご開帳してみせた。
(Kuzu kago wa taorete gomi wo buchamake, suterareta zasshi wa sono gomi no naka de hirakiguse no tsuita peeji wo pakkari to gochaicou-shite miseta)

屑  (kuzu): is the same as before.

かご (kago): is the same as before.

は (wa): is the topical particle

倒れて (taorete): is the Te-form of the verb “taoreru,” meaning “to collapse” or “to fall.” We have a series of actions, hence the use of the Te-form.

ゴミ (gomi): is a noun meaning “trash.”

を (wo): is the accusative particle.

ぶちまけ (buchimake): is the verbal stem of “buchimakeru,” meaning “to throw out.”

捨てられた (suterareta): is the passive, affirmative, past conjugation of “suteru,” which we’ve seen before.

雑誌 (zasshi): is the same as before.

は (wa): is the topical particle.

その (sono): is an adjective meaning “that.”

ゴミ (gomi): is the same as before.

の (no): is the genitive particle.

中 (naka): is a noun meaning “middle” or “center” or “among.”

で (de): is the post-position giving us a location.

開き癖 (hirakiguse): is an expression that seems to refer to the way a book (or magazine in this case) is left when you open it up to a page and run your finger down the middle. It refers to that state of being opened like that and it no longer closing properly.

の (no): the attributive form of “da.”

ついた (tsuita): is the affirmative, past conjugation of “tsuku,” meaning many things, I believe here it means “to stick,” as in that the page is “stuck open.”

ページ (peeji): is a loanword noun meaning “page.”

を (wo): is the accusative particle.

ぱっかり (pakkari): is an adverb meaning “split open.” (So I was right the first time…)

と (to): is a suffix some adverbs take, seemingly as a remnant from Classical Japanese. (There’s research to be done on this, because if I could make quoted IP’s adverbs that’d be amazing.)

ご開帳して (gokaichou-shite): is the Te-form of the “gokaichou-suru,” which I am quite sure is not a standard verb. What I believe this is referring to is how this is used in relation to stripping and how this page is being revealed out in the open, like a bosom in a strip club, so I’m going to translate this as “to reveal.”

みせた (miseta): is the affirmative, past conjugation of “miseru,” which means “to show” or “to display.” (I was right the first time, again)

Translation: “The waste basket fell and it threw the trash out, the thrown away magazine, amid that trash, showed and revealed the page split-open and stuck on the marking.” (The marking meaning that thing one creates by running one’s finger down the spine.)

曰く、「今から間に合う新学期変身宣言・ソフトorワイルド!? 俺達のデビュー白書』……ひとつ言わせてもらえば、デビューがしたかったわけではないのだ。
(Iwaku, “Ima kara mai-ni-au shin-gakki henshin sengen – sofuto or wairudo!? Oretachi no debiyuu hakusho”… hitotsu iwasete moeba, debyuu ga shitakatta wake de-wa nai no da.)

曰く (iwaku): is a verb conjugated for the affirmative, present meaning “To say.”

今 (ima): is an adverb meaning “now.”

から (kara): is our post-position meaning “from.”

間に合う (mai-ni-au): is a verb meaning “to be enough” or literally “To fit in the space.” Idiomatically it means “to be in time for.”

新学期 (shin-gakki): is a noun meaning “new school term” or “new school semester.”

変身 (henshin): is a noun meaning “transformation” or “metamorphosis.”

宣言 (sengen): is a noun meaning “statement” or “declaration.”

ソフト (sofuto): is the same as before.

ワイルド (wairudo): is a loanword noun meaning “wild.”

俺達 (oretachi): is “ore,” meaning “I,” and the suffix “tachi,” which makes certain nouns referring to people plural.

(no): is the genitive particle. (I forgot this; and now things fall in line with what grapefruit is saying)

デビュー (debyuu): is a noun meaning “debut.”

白書 (hakusho): is a reference to a collection of publications in Japan known as the “Hakusho” or the documents concerning the socioeconomic and political situation in Japan. So ad is calling itself the “what’s what” of “debuts.”

ひとつ (hitotsu): is a noun meaning “one thing.” This the general counter for 1 if  you don’t know the proper counter.

言わせて (iwasete): is the Te-form of the causative mood of the verb “iu,” meaning to say. The causative mood indicates that an action was “made” or “allowed.” We’ll be translating this as “letting.”

もらえば (moraeba): is the conditional conjugation of “morau,” meaning to receive.” When paired with a Te-form, it means that someone has done something for you. So this means “if you let someone say this to you.” This conditional is said to be more about the conditions than the effects.

デビュー (debyuu): is the same as before.

が (ga): is the nominative particle. Sometimes it can substitute “wo,” which may be what’s happening here since “debyuu” is the object of the verb.

したかった (shitakatta): is the desiderative, affirmative, past conjugation of the verb “suru,” meaning that it is “wanted to do,” The present desiderative is “shitai,” and that /i/ suffix at the end is the same that one sees in various adjectives and in negative verbs such as “nai.” Their past conjugation is “katta.”

わけ (wake): is a noun meaning “reason” or “cause.”

ではない (Dewa-nai): we’ve seen before. “Wake de-wa nai” is an expression meaning “it doesn’t mean that…” I’ll warn you that if you translate it as such, the next sentence won’t make much sense.

の (no): is that substantivizing suffix.

だ (da): is the same as always.

Translation: It reads, “From now you’re on time for your transformation statement. Soft or Wild!? We are the what’s what of debuts.” “Even if I let you tell me [that], it isn’t that I wanted to make a debut.”

だけど、変身はしたかった。
(Da-kedo, henshin wa shitakatta)

だけど (da-kedo): is the same as before.

変身 (henshin): is the same as before.

は (wa): is our topical particle.

したかった (shitakatta): is the same as before.

Translation: “Though, a transformation, I wanted to do it.”

そして、失敗に終わった。
(Soshite, shippai ni owatta.)

そして (soshite): is a conjunction meaning “and.” It comes the /so/ lexeme attached to the Te-form of “suru,” meaning thus “doing that.”

失敗 (shippai): is a noun meaning “failure.”

に (ni): is our dative particle indicating a mode in which the verb is done, though one may argue that this is just an extension of the locative capabilities of “ni.”

終わった (owatta): is a verb conjugated for the affirmative, past meaning “to end.”

Translation: “And [it] ended in failure.”

やけっぱち、せっかくのふんわりバングスを水に濡らした手でぐしゃぐしゃに掴み、いつもどおりの適当な直毛に直してやる。
(Yakeppachi, sekkaku no funwari bangusu wo mizu ni nurashita te de gushagusha-ni tsumi, itsumo doori no tekitou-na chokumou ni naoshite-yaru.)

やけっぱち (yakeppacchi): is a noun meaning “desperate.”

せっかく (sekkaku): is an adverb meaning “being achieved with great difficulty.”

の (no): is the attributive of “da.”

ふんわり (funwari): is the same as before.

バングス (bangusu): is the same as before.

を (wo): is our accusative particle.

水 (mizu): is a noun meaning “water.”

に (ni): is our dative particle indicating location.

濡らした (nurashita): is the affirmative, past conjugation of “nurasu,” meaning “to soak”

手 (te): is the same as before. The past IP is modifying this one, so these are “hands soaked in water.”

で (de): is the instrumental particle telling indicating means.

ぐしゃぐしゃに (gushakusha-ni): is an onomatopoetic adverb (with the suffix) meaning that something is done in a crumpling manner.

掴み (tsukami): is the verbal stem of “tsukamu,” meaning “to grip.”

いつも (itsumo): is an adverb meaning “always.” It comes from the interrogative “itsu,” meaning “when?,” and the secondary particle “mo,” meaning “too” and “even.”

どおり (doori): is a noun meaning “in accordance with”

の (no): is the attributive form of “da.”

適当な (tekitou-na): is the noun “tekitou,” meaning “suitable,” and the verbal suffix “na” we spoke of before.

直毛 (chokumou): is a noun meaning “straight hair.”

に (ni): is the dative particle indicating that this is the indirect object.

直してやる (naoshite-yaru): is the Te-form of “naosu,” meaning “to fix” or “to restore,” and “yaru,” the affirmative, present conjugation of a verb meaning “to do.” The “Xte + yaru” construction sometimes means to do something for someone of lower rank, but at other times it’s just colloquial speech. That’s the case here.

Translation: “[Being] desperate, the gripped the fluffy bangs he got with much effort in a crumpling manner with his hands soaked in water, and restored his suitable straight hair, being in according with [how it] always [is].”

そして床に跪き、こぼれたゴミを拾い集め、「ああっ!? なんだこれ……カ、カビてる……カビてるぞ!」浴室との境界に敷かれた木材に、黒カビを大発見。
(Soshite yuka ni hizamazuki koboreta gomi wo hiroi-atsume, “Aah!? Nan-da kore… ka, kabiteru… kabieruzo!” Yokushitsu to-no kyoukai ni shikareta mokuzai ni, kuro kabi wo daihakken.)

そして (soshite): is the same as before.

床 (yuka): is a noun meaning “floor.”

に (ni): is the dative particle indicating location.

跪き (hizamazuki): is the verbal stem of “hizamazuku,” meaning “to kneel.” We have a series of actions, so this is warranted.

こぼれた (koboreta): is the affirmative, past conjugation of “koboru,” meaning “to fall down” or “fall over.”

ゴミ (gomi): is the same as before.

を (wo): is our accusative particle.

拾い集め (hiroi-atsume): is the verbal stem of “hiroi-atsumeru,” with “hiroi” being the stem of “hirou,” meaning “to pick up.” “Atsumeru” means “to gather.” So this means “to pick up and gather.”

ああっ (Aah): is an interjection meaning “Ah!”

なん-だ (Nanda): is an interjection meaning “what!?” It comes from “nan,” the interrogative pronoun meaning “what?” and the copula “da.”

これ (kore): is a pronoun meaning “this.” It’s the same as “sore” except from the stem being different.

カビてる(ぞ) (kabiteru)(zo): is a shortened conjugation of the present progressive conjugation of “kabiru,” meaning “to become moldy.” Normally it is “kabite iru,” with that “iru,” the third copula, being the governing verb. Here the /i/ in “iru” dropped out and we get “kabiteru.” The “zo” is just an emphatic suffix.

浴室 (yokushitsu): is a noun meaning “bathroom.”

との (to no): appears to be a compound particle. It seems to occur in attributive positions. It’s just “to” with the attibutive “no” and doesn’t mean anything different than “to,” the conjunction, by itself. grapefruitcake has information to share on this.

境界 (kyoukai): is a noun meaning “boundary.”

に (ni): is the dative particle indicating the location.

敷かれた (shikareta): is the passive, affirmative, past conjugation of “shiku,” meaning “to spread” or “to lay out.”

木材 (mokuzai): is a noun meaning “lumber” or “wood.”

に (ni): is the dative particle indicating the location.

黒カビ (Kuro-kabi): is a noun meaning “black mold.” “Kuro” means “black” and “kabi” means “mold”

を (wo): is the accusative particle.

大発見 (daihakken): is a noun meaning “great discovery.” We’re missing a verb here. We can add a “suru” at the end here so that we can use all these particles you wouldn’t be able to use with a copula being the governing verb.

Translation: “And he knelt on the floor, and he picked up the fallen trash, “Ah? What? [It’s] molding… [It’s] molding! ” he discovered the black mold on the wood that was laid at the boundary with bathroom.” 

Okay, that’s it! The next prize, for 40 submissions, all of which help immensely, is for a theme song parsing, I believe. But that’s much easier than this. This and the Final Fantasy X prizes are the hardest. Not even the FMA:B parsing would be this hard.